Happiness

What is it to you? For me my search for happiness lands on one word: health. For others it may differ, but all of us are searching after the same thing aren't we? Happiness is the ultimate search, for some it may come easily, for others not so much. Happiness is infectious, it spreads like wildfire, then it lands at home - where it should be and where you can always find it, and that it is where hope resides. I see it everywhere, in a beautiful smile for one, and in a true friend for another. Where in the world can you find your own happiness, well the search continues for some and for others the search has ended because they are free of their own demons and have reached a place of serenity and peace.

Well I am signing for today - from Brian

Love

As we continue on in this crazy journey we call life, I am truly seeking for peace, serenity, and something that I have never truly had, and that is love. As a 30 year old man I wonder why is it so elusive? Why is it so hard to find all the time? I wonder if it will hit me or will I have to go out and find it. I want somebody who loves me for me, not just someone who falls head over heals for me after I chase her for a while. I want our love to be mutual, not just someone who I have to chase around the world to get, and I truly hope I can find it soon. It is something that seems to elude me and yet something that I want so badly. All I ever look for in this life is pure clean health, a truly happy fulfilled life, and again well someone to fall in love with. I look, I search, I ponder and yet I can only hope that one day soon I will find someone who loves me for me and someone who understands me and trusts me. I wonder after all these years of chasing that maybe the tables can turn and a woman can find me and we can mutually fall in true love. I believe I deserve that after so many heartbreaks, and so many times waiting for the phone to ring, and so many times wanting it so bad, and yet it continues to be just out of my reach. A love that can be found in a way that will truly knock me off my feet and lye me down and I can turn to her and not have to say one word, and we can both just know that this is just right. It is right in the moment, it is right when we are not together, and it is just right all the time. I yearn for that day to come quickly so I can learn to love and so I can stop hoping for it come, and after all these years that it will just be there whenever I need it. And as the clock continues to turn, I continue to wonder how much longer until I find that woman who just knows as much as I do that love can truly change a person in a way that is indescribable and just knows for once and for all that we love each other so much that nothing needs to be said. All we have to day is look into each other's eyes and just know that is what life is all about. Sometimes the waiting is the hardest part. But all I know is that I have hope and that this love will truly begin in my life at the exact moment it is supposed to, and in that moment I will want to sing hallelujah all the way home after our lips touch, our hearts beat as one, and after we both just say, I love you.

What are we waiting for?

When you get depressed where do you go to find solace, peace of mind and a little hope? I go to a friend, to a place where no can find me, and still it's very hard to find a moment of peace amidst this world of so much well, fear. Where in the world are my fiends and why can't we meet? A happy moment, a sad one, an emotional one, and well what do you get, a day in the life of Brian Gardner for one. It's time for a change in my life and all I need to know is where do I go when it's time to leave the past behind and head fora brighter future, well I don't know, and if I did I would not still be typing this blog, I would be out living my life instead of hoping for it to change.

At the end of the day

Once we look back on life, what will say? What was it all about? Well it was about love, it was about regrets, and well it was about the journey. The joy is in the journey, and the end result, it can be about both, and yet all we need to know is that if we keep hoping and never start living then we will have never really learned how to accept and enjoy the ups and downs of life while learning that life is about dancing in the rain while waiting for the rain to stop and the sun to start shining. Rainbows will come, the rain will dry and once it does glorify in it, love it, live it, and always remember what got you there.

Life and Love

Love is beauty, love is hope, love is all knowing, all forgetting, all love might be summed up in one sentence and that is complicated. I hope and yearn for love, I look for it, search for it, and one day hope to find it, where I'm not sure all I know is it might be somewhere closer or farther than I think. I look around and see beauty and love but I cannot grasp it, sense it, touch it, it eludes me, it's like it wants to touch me feel me hold me, and yet I cannot grab hold, I just wait and wait and one day I hope it will find me while I am dreaming of someone to touch me and take me on the ride of my life.

"Fashion fades, style lasts forever" Eves Saint Laurent

I was watching Breakfast at Tiffany's again today and I could not imagine a more beautiful woman than Ms. Audrey Hepburn. Her ease, her beauty, her fluidity, her style, her serenity was unimaginably good. I believe style and fashion can change the world, it has power and it is truly inspirational. If you look closely you can see well beauty that goes beyond the outside and flows into the inside. Look at that beautiful woman and see a little smirk sometimes that says if you be happy then you will be beautiful. Be healthy, be happy, be wondrous, be who you truly are then you will be truly beautiful. I want and wish for all the world where we look at each other and say wow you make me feel happy and I want that in my life. Audrey inspired the world and I love her for it, and I always will. Style, beauty, ease, serenity, don't we all seek it, don't we all desire it, don't we all find it to be well inspirational to the point that we say thank you Audrey we love you, we miss you, we hope you are well, well then let's bring that style back! She is an inspiration to me and all I have to say is thank you for your beauty. I try to bring that into my life and go from there. Just feel the flow and the rhythm of an Audrey and might just find that you've got all you need right within yourself, so go seek it, find it, and let it fly.

What matters in life?

When things don't matter in life, they tend to be the best part of life. When you reach serenity you tend to find that life is better than you could ever think it could be, You don't say I wish or I hope you say thank God I have made this far and have accomplished so much. Do you tend to be grateful? Do you look at life differently and say I have accomplished enough let's move on or do you tend to say I don't care anymore. I look at life and say why do I care so much? Why do I give a fuck? Let us all take a look around and say does this matter? To me it does to others it doesn't.

Love in the real world

Where I have found love is in the journey of life. With the ups and downs we find that love can hold us up even when we are in dire need of real love. I look to friendship for love, not always for physical and sexual love to be the love that might be the kind of love you need right now. What we need is always not what we desperately want, but it can can help us get to where we have always and will always want. First we find friendship then we find best friends then we find what has always been wanted by friends who are far away yet so close. I desire love, true love, yet cannot always or really be had, it is a hard balance but it can be dealt with by having a friend who truly loves you for who you are and who you will be. Friendship can heal wounds, lift barriers, give hope, and help you find who you truly are amidst a relationship that hasn't yet begun.